Dying and Grieving Consciously

In these challenging times of a worldwide pandemic, individuals may find themselves isolated and alone, and unable to have loved ones present when they most need them for support--as they prepare to cross over. It is important to help those in need to move through grief to conscious acceptance and peace rather than reactively and with fear.  

Working remotely yet compassionately, Dr. Lynn Joseph assists with the dying process by acting as witness, holding space as she connects with dying patients by phone, encouraging them to share their stories (Life Review), thoughts, and feelings with her, as well as with other key people in their lives. With their approval and participation, she is able to guide them through healing energy psychology processes to de-stress and release fear,  along with anything else that no longer serves them. Through the use of guided meditation, patients are able to find inner peace, mind-body purification, and prepare to take the divine journey through the portal of Light. 

Listen to 2 minute sample.

By Lynn Joseph, PhD ISBN: 9780967661544  ©Lynn Joseph

Viewing Dementia in a Different Way

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."

-- Marcel Proust

Thursday afternoon, June 6, 2019, Al Powers, MD, board certified internist and geriatrician, invited an Elder Ashram-packed room of elder community and family members, staff, and related professionals, to view dementia in a different way from the commonly accepted medical definition. 

Living with a Changing Ability

Powers replaced the medical definition of dementia, which focuses on loss of memory and other limitations,  with the following more accepting definition: “Dementia is a shift in the way people experience the world around them,” he asserted. He gave as an example his colleague Richard Taylor’s definition towards the end of his life:  “I’m not dying with a fatal disease.  I am living with a changing ability.”

“For medical purposes,” Powers said, “We need to use certain terminology.”  “However,” he continued, “a more experiential definition of dementia allows us to relate to the world with a focus on well-being, rather than a focus on drugs and disease.”

Expecting Perfection 

Powers noted that we expect more perfection from people with an illness than we do for ourselves. “We shop in bulk at COSCO, yet we call seniors hoarders,” he said. Instead of measuring how many falls we have had or words we have forgotten, Powers suggested that we reflect on what makes a life worth living.  

Perfectionist related experiences that come to mind are as follows:  Do we focus on how many falls a toddler makes when he is learning to walk or how excited he is to be able to balance and move forward on his own? How many mistakes a new teacher makes with her first classroom experience or her evolving teaching skills? How many mistakes we make learning a new computer application or our ability to master the technology? Maybe we can be more compassionate with those with an illness if we are more aware of our own perfectionist tendencies.

Seven Domains of Well-Being

Powers outlined seven domains of well-being that he describes more fully in his books Dementia Beyond Drugs and Dementia Beyond Disease.  The first four domains form the basis of well-being: Identity, Connectedness, Security (emotions, trust, dignity, modesty, respect), Autonomy (independence, freedom to take risks). The higher level domains, Meaning, Growth, and Joy, demonstrate that people living with dementia are moving from cognition, through emotion, and into spirit.  What a journey!

Implementation 

To implement these concepts, Powers advocates paying more attention to care of, communication with, and education of care partners.  For example, he noted that “sundowning” often comes around with change of shift.  “In one community,”  he recalled, “they changed how care partners left the community, making sure staff departed out a back door, without commotion.”  He noted that changing the experience of community members during staff shift changes dispelled their sundowning behavior.

“How often do we engage people only when we have something we want them to do?” Powers asked.  He asked participants if we’d like to be given a shower by another person? By how many different people? To prevent negative shower experiences in assisted living, he suggested that one’s naked body be exposed to as few people as possible. Powers’ advice:  SEE (Slow down, Engage, Empower).

Service
Nader Shabahangi, host of the presentation, joined Al Powers as the conversation moved to a focus on service. When asked how we view service, participants responded: “respect for one’s uniqueness,”  “access to the outdoors,”  “small groups and one-on-one activities to accommodate the needs of introverts, as well as extroverts,” and “involving elders in decision-making.” Both community members and related professionals emphasized the importance of self-care. “If you can’t give to yourself, you can’t give to others,” noted an elder.

Takeaways

What were the takeaways from Dr. Powers’ presentation?  Feedback from participants included moving away from medical categorizing of people to a well-being approach, in which each person is valued for who he/she is now, as well as for his/her past experiences, care for self, as well as care for others, and opening oneself up to seeing through the eyes of others. Participants appreciated the interaction with the speaker  and with each other, both during his presentation and after the presentation.

As Dr. Powers noted, “The joy of discovery is to see through other people’s eyes.”  The afternoon get-together provided an opportunity for participants to both listen to others and to share their own perceptions of illness and well-being.

Why Ashram?

Powers’  presentation exemplified the vision of the Elder Ashram community. “Elder Ashram: The Art of Aging,”  is an assisted living community, located at 3121 Fruitvale Ave, Oakland,  serving our elders and teachers.

The elder ashram is a place of learning and being with, where elders and their way of being are exactly what we younger ones, we children and adults, need to learn. Not only will it satisfy our search for inner and outer peace, but an elder view of life might be the sole way we humans can sustain living on our planet.

Sally Gelardin, EdD, is an educator/trainer and former Regional Engagement and Education Director of the communities upon which Elder Ashram is founded.  Totally aligned with its vision, she puts into action the concepts upon which the Elder Ashram is based. 

Dr. Al Powers says, “The joy of discovery is to see through other people’s eyes.”

Career Intermission: Moving from Full-Time to Part-Time Work

According to a 2014 Report, Aging, Longevity. Nine Landmark Studies: Work in Retirement Myths and Motivations, p. 9 (produced by AgeWave, supported by Merrill Lynch), most pre-retirees do not aspire to go directly from pre-retirement work to retirement. Thirty-seven percent of pre-retirees prepare for retirement. Over 50 percent take a break from working for about two and a half years to “relax, recharge, and retool.” Then, on average, reengagement lasts about nine years.

The report states that there are four stages of Retirement:

• Phase 1: Pre-Retirement (5 years)

• Phase 2: Career Intermission (2 1/2 years)

• Phase 3: Reengagement (9 years)

• Phase 4: Leisure

Whether they return to work in some fashion for financial reasons, because they are achievement oriented or workaholics, or because they are service-oriented, most choose a more fulfilling type of work that gives them flexibility, more fun and less stress. They are more open to trying something new. If they stayed in the same line of work it was because they are good at what they do. They are much more likely than younger folks to own their own business or be self-employed.

The report suggests that pre-retires get started planning the next step before they retire, talk with their spouse or partner how how to balance work with other concerns, develop technology skills, discuss with employer how to continue working on a more flexible basis, and other options, consult with a financial planner to determine whether you want to start a business or work for yourself, consider health challenges, and understand how working can affect Social Security, Medicare, and other benefits.

Don’t feel badly about yourself if you skipped the first phase (Pre-Retirement Planning) , accept where you are and move forward. You may be like Ruth Bader Ginsburg and continue to be motivated to work for social service or other reasons (such as financial need or love what you do) into your 80s or even 90s. By exploring possibilities of what you want to do in the future in board games such as Who You Are MATTERS!, by volunteering in groups such as Creative Aging SF, and start-up non-profits such as Corte Madera’s Age-Friendly Intergenerational Center, by continuing to work as a part-time consultant in your areas of expertise and interest, by setting family as a priority, by focussing on overall wellness, maybe taking up hobbies, Pre-Retirement Planning and Career Intermission can be fun, creative, and meaningful, at least it has been for me.

Four types of working retirees. Source: https://agewave.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/2014-ML-AW-Work-in-Retirement_Myths-and-Motivations.pdf

Transition Planning 2.0 continued: Cross-Generational Universal Design

Since I was a young child, I have learned differently from most other students. I first recognized this when I was about 5. At an extended family get-together, all the cousins were drawing pictures. When we were done, my older cousins laughed at my picture. I had scrawled a continuous line weaving in and around the paper without lifting my crayon, and then colored it in to make an abstract pattern. Everyone else's picture was very literal, with identifiable objects. Fortunately, for me, the adults liked my picture. What could have been a humiliating experience turned into a positive reinforcement, perhaps my first experience in appreciating the value of "universal design education."

As my grandson Sage heads towards the 2nd half of his third year of life, I am interested in how he learns.  He especially loves to cook with me, build structures (especially at the Bay Area Discovery Museum), play with other children,  read and tell stories. We also clean the house together.

At the same time, I become more aware of how I learn. I am a big picture futurist, who is usually ahead of the crowd, writing, talking about, and implementing concepts that take others months or years to grasp.  When others reach consensus with my concepts, I am already onto something new. My concepts are often based on concepts and practices from history or from other original thinkers, such as Dan Pink and Joyce Goiya. 

Dan Pink, author of "A Whole New Mind," and former publicist for Al Gore, said people learn in different ways, through their senses:

1. Design – Moving beyond function to engage the senses
2. Story – Narrative added to products and services - not just argument. Best of the six senses.
3. Symphony – Adding invention and big picture thinking (not just detail focus).
4. Empathy – Going beyond logic and engaging emotion and intuition.
5. Play – Bringing humor and light-heartedness to business and products.
6. Meaning – the purpose is the journey, give meaning to life from inside yourself.

Dan Pink says we have moved beyond the agricultural age (farmers), industrial age (factory workers), and information age (knowledge workers) into the conceptual age (creators and empathizers).  

Joyce Goiya agrees.  In her summery of what 2018 will bring in the work world, she says, "More companies will hire for soft skills and culture fit:" She says:
For years, we have heard employers say, I hire for attitude and train for aptitude. We are beginning to see that taken to the next level. Case in point, Jay Patel, CEO of Wintergreen Hospitality in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, USA. Patel focuses on essential interpersonal skills, reflected in emotional intelligence, writing, speaking, empathy, clear communication, and conflict resolution. He looks less for traditional and formal credentials and more for life experience and wise talent.

I believe the way we work, volunteer, and move from youth to old age,  is the way we learn.   Sage and other young "elders," as well as older folks, including those with memory loss, teach me how to be in the present, which is primarily through the senses described above by Dan Pink, Joyce Goiya, and following in a discussion on Universal Design Education.

Universal Design Learning for All Ages

"Universal Design Education," is a way of learning that originated in universal design in architecture, a design process that enables & empowers a diverse population by improving human performance, health & wellness, & social participation. Universal design for learning is a set of principles for curriculum development that give all individuals equal opportunities to learn. The National Center for Universal Design for Learning says:

UDL provides a blueprint for creating instructional goals, methods, materials, and assessments that work for everyone--not a single, one-size-fits-all solution but rather flexible approaches that can be customized and adjusted for individual needs.

I am especially interested in how and where universal  design for learning is applied in the San Francisco Bay area, since that is where I live.  Upon initial research, I found that UDL is in the mission/vision of San Francisco State University.  UDL is also practiced at the San Francisco Day School,  where teachers design curriculum  to insure learning that works for all students.

 In a 2016 discussion with Claire Copenhagen Bainer, co-director of BlueSkies for Children, an innovative pre-school in Oakland, we shared the belief that elders and young children learn in similar ways. BlueSkies, a private, nonprofit 501(c)3 program founded in 1983, is the only NAEYC-accredited childcare center in Oakland. The pre-school is one of the most diverse full-time childcare centers in the Bay Area, and a model of excellence for teachers studying early childhood education.

Applying University Design Education in Age-Friendly, Intergenerational Communities

By 2040, people over the age of 65 and under the age of 18 will make up over 20% of the population.  Why not design intergenerational curriculum that works for both populations?  Following are a few resources and commentary on universal design in learning for multi-generations. 

What can you do to conduct an effective program in a space that was designed without children or older adults in mind?  In Creating Spaces To Enhance Intergenerational Relationships (2013),  DeBord, Jarrott,  and Kaplan provide strategies to accommodate the developmental needs of both groups in a shared intergenerational space including traffic flow, features to promote interaction, placement and use of materials, storage, and more.  The authors note that a livable community offers a variety of accessible, affordable, and visitable housing options so that older adults have a place to live.  They assert that a livable community has features that promote access to the community, including safe and walkable neighborhoods , transportation options, safe driving conditions, and emergency preparedness. A livable community provides a wide range of supports and services, and opportunities to participate in community life, including health care, supportive services, general retail and services, healthy food, and social integration.

At Generation United's 2017 Conference, Ann Basting, a 2016 MacArthur Fellow, author, and TimeSlips founder, presented on "Creative Expressions Across Generations."  She will be one of several international leaders presenting February 9, 2018, at Creating a New Old San Francisco, sponsored by Creative Aging International. This free event will take place at the Jewish Museum in San Francisco,  9 am to 5 pm.

According to Ghazaleh, Homsy, and Warner (2011), multigenerational planning is a holistic approach that takes into consideration the needs of all age groups throughout all stages of planning (from needs assessment to visioning, plan making, design, implementation, and evaluation) and how government policies, zoning, and building codes can be changed to ensure generational equality and access. in their 2011 paper,  In their paper, Multigenerational planning: Using smart growth and universal design to link the needs of children and the aging population (Chicago, Ill: American Planning Association), the authors discuss four key points: #1: Multigenerational planning creates new coalition-building opportunities; #2: Civic participation and engagement is fundamental in multigenerational planning;  #3: Multigenerational planning uses smart growth principles; Multigenerational planning applies universal design principles.

In Living Community Indicators for Sustainable Aging in Place,  a 2013 report conducted with Stanford Center on Longevity, Lehning and Harmon found that a livable community offers a variety of accessible, affordable, and visitable housing options so that older adults have a place to live.  Features include the following: safe and walkable neighborhoods, transportation options, safe driving condition, and emergency preparedness. In addition, a livable community provides a wide range of supports and services, and opportunities to participate in community life, health care, supportive services, general retail and services, healthy food, and social integration. The report was based on an indicator system using existing research, rather than the preferences of older adults. 

In a Working Paper  at the Children, Youth and Environments Center, University of Colorado, Van Vliet (2009) discusses "Creating livable cities for all ages: Intergenerational strategies and initiatives." The paper was prepared for UN-Habitat’s Global Dialogue on Harmonious Cities for All Age Groups at the World Urban Forum IV, Nanjing, November 3-6, 2008.  Among the contributors to the paper was Janet Blanchard, who presented at AgeSong's Poetics of Aging Conference in San Francisco (Gelardin, 2011).

Kaplan, Larkin, and Graves. (2007), in a Metlife presentation on "Designing Intergenerational Environments to Promote a Sense of Well-Being,  suggest the following elements and strategies that relate to human development and well-being:  (a) consider design elements that allow accessibility; (b) consider spaces that accommodate age-diverse abilities; (c) consider design strategies that afford opportunities for both social interaction and privacy; (d) consider design elements that signal expectations for autonomy and connection; (e) consider objects that stimulate curiosity and the 5 senses.

Where Do We Go From Here?

My county has the highest percentage of people over the age of 65 in California and one of the highest percentages of individuals over 65 in the country. For the next 30 years, aging boomers will be opening gates for intergenerational learning opportunities.  I'm participating in a planning group in my town for the first intergenerational program in the county. I welcome you to join me in exploring universal design that can accommodate all ages, stages, and abilities.

Transition Planning 2.0

 2.0 is a technology term that means " a revised or improved version of the original."  What if  "Transition Planning 2.0" –  learning how to be adaptable – were a required course, like home economics,  shop or sex education?

Even if some people had the same job or career throughout their adult life, most of us will need to change gears at some point, work shorter hours, take more breaks or totally change how we lead our life every day, especially if we want to set a good example for our adult children or other younger adults (I do, do you?)

As a life transitions counselor, certified at the University of San Francisco in 1995, as part of my Masters in Counseling Program, I figured I better learn how to manage transitions since I had already served in several professions (teacher, retailer, editor, writer) and was about to engage in a new profession (career counselor).

.As I proceeded to provide career and life transition counseling for university students throughout the latter half of the 90s, and into the 21st century, I earned a few more certifications to help individuals in transition, such as Richard Knowdell's Career Planning and Adult Development Network Coaching Certificate, and used his sorts (skills, values, interests, personal style) to help clients identify their strengths. I also studied Fanita English's Inner Motivation Model and other transition models.  Then I developed my own Tightrope Artist Model of Managing Career and Life Decisions, in which I added to identifying your skills, interest, values, personality, and inner motivations, the following dimensions: preferred environment, family influences, and learning style.  

Over the years, especially the past decade, I have experienced the transitioning of loved ones, both old and young, from this world. When she was 93, my mother, lying in her hospice bed, said she wanted to die and asked me how to die.  I replied, "I don't know, Mom, but we'll get other's opinions." When Cousin Susie called, I said,"Susie, Aunt Eve wants to know how to die."  Susie responded, "Peacefully."  When my son Eli called, I said, "Eli, Grandma wants to know how to die." He responded, "Happily."  Mom giggled and died 10 days later in peace.  When Livy, my not-yet-five year old granddaughter, transitioned from this world last year today, I was not prepared to manage her passing gracefully. I grieve her loss every day.  She is always with me, reminding me to appreciate the present, value each day, and experience life through the senses, instead of worrying about the future or regretting the past.  Livy liked to play, as does her 3-year old younger brother Sage.  From my grandchildren,  I learned and continue to learn how to play.

Rich Feller, a former president of the National Career Development Association, recently came out with "Who You Are Matters,"  a transitions game that he developed with Mark Franklin, his partner, Since I transitioned this year from an intensive stint in the eldercare field,  I  ordered the game and set up a date to practice it with friends and colleagues. I'm in the first group of  baby boomers leaving the all-encompassing world of work.  I am moving into another way of living that includes more exercise, peace of mind, slowing down, focusing on what's really important,  and  setting a good example for my adult children, grandchild and other generations. 

Welcome to 2018 Transition Planning 2.0, where we learn and play together, identify our strengths,  share our stories and move forward on our life journey.. More....LinkedIn or FaceBook.

Aging2.0 Optimize Conference Brings Together Leading Aging-Focused Entrepreneurs

Entrepreneurs are restless thinkers, impatient doers, and intuitors who hear the wants of those without a voice.  They see resistance as opportunities to challenge accepted assumptions, operational rules and unexamined routines.  More than most, they understand that their only work role is to add value.

Rich Feller, PhD, Past-President, National Career Development Association

November 13 - 15, 2017,

Monday, November 13, Aging2.0 held a Start-Up Bootcamp in San Francisco, bringing together leading aging-focused entrepreneurs from around the world. "Our biggest challenge is to find techies outside the field of aging to talk with us," said attendees.  The 115 participants in the morning Bootcamp and 160 participants in the afternoon Roundtable did not appear to have any problem talking with each other. 

In Monday's day-long workshop, new start-ups learned from venerable entrepreneurs how to navigate the industry and reach their growth objectives. They gave and received support, introductions and mentorship and experienced educational tours of multiple senior care communities.

In the next two days, conference speakers made it very clear that the field of aging is booming, open to innovation and contributions. Eight hundred real estate developers, elder community administrators, non-profits, and related professionals joined techies to learn about new innovations in the field of aging.

Highlights of the Conference

Chip Conley, www.chipconley.com, American hotelier, hospitality entrepreneur, author, and speaker, founded Joie de Vivre Hospitality when he was 26.  Now at the age of 57,  he is  author of an upcoming new book on "Modern Elder."  Conley believes "we're on the precipice of a comeback of the elder"  in a modern form in which the "older advisors and employees are not just mentors, but they're interns as well." 

Yves Behar Founder and Chief Designer of Fuse Project,  https://fuseproject.com/,  designs products for home security, babies, individuals with disabilities,  elders, and the general population.  One of his designs, Aura Powered Suit, is innovative wearable technology that reacts to the body’s natural movements, adding muscle power to naturally complement the user’s strength in getting up, sitting down or staying upright. He also designed August Smart Lock, available at Amazon, and much more.

Dr. Bill Thomas, author, entrepreneur, musician, teacher, farmer, physician, co-created  The Eden Alternative, founded  The Green House Project, and recently conceived and designed Minka House. His concept of aging in place is homes that are totally accessible, small, and SMART., https://changingaging.org/blog/minka/.

The workshops on age-friendly communities throughout the world were especially inspirational. 

Simon d'Entremont, Deputy Minister, Nova Scotia Department of Seniors,  a civil servant for the past 30 years, has implemented many interesting and innovative practices.  Like many communities in the United States,  Nova Scotia has a high percentage of older residents, https://novascotia.ca/seniors.

A session on "Daily living and lifestyle: Cities as incubators for successful aging," highlighted model cities driving innovation in aging and best practices for collaboration between cities and tech companies to accelerate healthy, productive, and purposeful aging. The session featured case studies from Virginia and Colorado. Richmond, Virginia's autonomous vehicle pilot program is designed to promote engagement, mobility and social connectedness for older adults in a historically underserved neighborhood.

Centennial, Colorado recently established a city innovation team focused on aging services such as mobile and virtual senior centers, technology ambassador programs, universal design guides and a demo house/test-bed for senior products and services. Caroline Servat,  Milken Institute Center for the Future of Aging, http://successfulaging.milkeninstitute.org, described Mayor's pledge for SMART cities includes planning and partnerships, inclusion strategies for people with disabilities.  Paul Gunther,  UX Designer, City of Centennial, discussed the city's mobile senior center, http://www.centennialco.gov/uploads/files/About%20Us/Centennial%20Annual%20Report_2016.pdf. 

Panelists emphasized not just aging in place, but "thriving" in place. They noted that our cities and communities, generally designed for and by the young, are under-equipped to serve society across the lifespan. Enabling people to thrive, not just survive, where and how they want is a major challenge for our age. Topics covered by  panelists ranged from thoughtfully designed products for everyday use to the rethinking of public spaces and communities.

Some of the leading Israeli tech companies in the aging space explained how Israel is leveraging an innovation ecosystem for aging. They shared specific opportunities for partnerships, and explored the R&D support structure (Aging2.0 Israel, incubators, accelerators, bi-national funds, grants, and investors) that help these startups find the essential support they need to move from concept to scale. The session featured companies bringing smart sensors paired with AI analytics, innovative care management systems and cognitive diagnostic data analytic solutions to aging and senior care.

The conference ended with presentations by five Global Startup Search Finalists, who will compete to become the 2017 Global Startup Search Winner. Finalists were from OnGuardian, Richmond, VA; SilverBills, Palo Alto, CA; SteadiWear, Toronto, Canada, Uniper, Tel Aviv, Israel, and Unforgetable, London, UK.  The winner will be announced on the Aging2.0 website, https://www.aging2.com/global-startup-search/. 

The real winner are age-friendly cities and individuals of all ages throughout the world.

About the author of this article...

I continually connect new businesses with communities of elders and pave the way to make their experiences mutually rewarding and beneficial. As former Engagement and Education Regional Director of a group of elder and assets living communities in the SF Bay Area, I have hosted several Aging 2.0 events. I connect entrepreneurs who recognize the importance of testing their products and services with aging-related organizations. 

Activity Coordinators – Overworked and Underpaid

Activity Coordinators are overworked and underpaid. Yet this role is crucial to the survival of assisted living communities. Plus, it's a wonderful service-oriented role that brings joy to frail elders and is personally rewarding.

Their responsibilities are endless, ranging from group facilitator to new community member intake, to volunteer coordinator, to event planner, newsletter editor, calendar administrator, front desk and driver supervisor, staff trainer. The list goes on and on.  Click here to read more...

Youngsters & Oldsters Exploring the Discovery Museum

The Bay Area Discovery Museum,  at the foot of the Golden Gate Bridge in Sausalito, is pure delight for pre-schoolers and their parents, grandparents and other care partners.  We discovered the museum when our grandson turned three. 

Special exhibits abound.  Our favorite time to explore the museum is when it opens, by 9 am, because he has more energy and so do Grandma and Grandpa.  After the first visit, we invited another set of grandparents and their grandchild.  By the third visit, we met up with a third set of grandparents and their grandchild. We had known the elders since our now adult children were tots.

Our young explorer likes to run through the multi sensory hanging streamers and the straw huts maze, climb up  1000 stone steps, and explore the outside pirate ship.  Children can get rowdy on pirate ships. I crawl into the pirate ship’s cramped lower quarters, follow him through the hanging streamers and straw huts maze, and climb the stone steps with him. It’s fun to explore, but he has OI, which means his bones can break easily. These activities can be dangerous for a pre-schooler with disabilities, maybe also for some other young children. We guide him (not an easy task) to safer indoor and outdoor movement and art experiences at the museum.

Fortunately, opportunities for active learning, both indoors and outside,  are endless. Museum-trained guides of STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) activities provide a hands-on, multisensory exploration, while encouraging risk-taking, collaborative problem-solving, and creative thinking. Our 3-year old explorer loves STEM. 

By 11 am, he is exhausted.  We promise to return again soon.

The New Workplace: Health & Wellness

At the Farmers’ Market recently, I met a VP at CBRE, a worldwide leader in real estate services. He mentioned that his corporation is into workplace wellness.

As a Career and Caregiving Educator, I was intrigued. Upon further research, I discovered in a CBRE report that “by 2040 the workplace will look very different to now.” The CBRE report continued: 

The lines between home and work will have become blurred and people’s working lives will be characterised by much more autonomy and choice. We start by describing a future work environment where digital developments and changing attitudes will help us to be more proactive in managing our health and wellbeing whether at home or at work.

The World Health Organization’s (WHO) defines "health" as “a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.” Wellness today refers to a state of well-being, even if we have a diagnosed “illness.” 

As was one of the first baby boomers, I am at the beginning of a trend mentioned in a 2006 University of San Francisco report. The report stated:

One major trend that will affect the services needed from MFTs is related to the second half of life (e.g., the large Baby Boomer cohort entering retirement, the extended life span, middle-age couples, families with aging parents, etc.). 

I had no interest in pursuing MFT training at USF. At the time, I had just completed a 7-year stint as a retailer.  I was not interested in clinical counseling, but rather in Life Transitions, Career Counseling,  and then Career and Caregiving Education.  These three areas focus on wellness, rather than medical diagnosis. 

Fast forward….Imagine a work environment where workers with memory loss mixed with “normal” workers, where individuals were not labeled as disabled or memory impaired and forced into isolation or institutions, even benevolent institutions, but rather valued for their strengths, an environment where individuals of various cultural backgrounds were treated equitably.

Whatever our age, stage of life,  range of abilities, or cultural heritage, according to Shabahangi, “those who have made the effort throughout their lives to grow and deepen themselves, have made a commitment to become aware and accept the struggles and sufferings alongside the joys and pleasures of life."

Today's workers are from a variety of cultural heritages, backgrounds, and abilities.  In the new workplace, with the advent of robotics and other assisted technology, creative and adaptable employees or consultants find work in tune with their values, and work in healthy (mind/body/spirit)  environments where their motivated skills and personal attributes are needed and appreciated.

Millenials are often called "entitled" and why not?  Don't we all deserve to work in environments that enhance our wellbeing, as proposed by CBRE?

More Wellness Resources

Wellness Tree of Life: https://poeticsofaging.wordpress.com/2012/03/12/from-hoarding-to-foraging-for-memories-moving-beyond-the-dsm/ 

Narratives To Move Through Loss: https://www.questia.com/library/journal/1P3-1497416221/narratives-to-move-through-loss

The Integral Aging Process: http://poeticsofaging.org/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Gelardin_The-Integral-Aging-Process.pdf

Interview:  Contributing Your Unique Strengths to the World: http://mcda.net/news/mcda-2010-fall-newsletter/

Integrating Care, Caregiving, and Self-Care: http://hrms.net/seasonedpro/UC/SF/wisdom/career_coaching_instructions.asp

A Holistic, Sustainable Approach to Personal Development: http://docplayer.net/48388944-The-integral-aging-process-iap-a-holistic-sustainable-approach-to-personal-development-for-boomers-and-beyond.html

The Tightrope Artist Model of Career and Life Decision-Making: https://campus.digication.com/decision-making/Welcome/

Sign up for free career counseling/coaching at Marin Country Mart Job Fair Saturday, September 9.

Contact sgelardin@gmail.com to schedule a time slot between 11 am and 3 pm.

What is Smart?

Recently I had a conversation with an individual who has memory loss, commonly labeled dementia or Alzheimer’s.  This elder poet writes rhyming poems every day that he emails to his friends/colleagues. Sometimes his poems are humorous, sometimes they are depressing.  

Our conversation inspired me to write about the meaning of “smart”.

As I reflect on the poet’s daily poems, what comes up for me is the plight, or is it the salvation,  of Sisyphus, who kept rolling that large boulder up the hill. 

Although “smart” is usually used to describe someone who is who has a high IQ, we can also call someone a smart, chic dresser or a smart, sassy wisecracker, or street smart.

Who is “smart” depends on what “smart” means to the perceiver. 

What does “smart” mean to you?

• Making lots of money? 
• Earning multiple degrees?
• Memorizing the words of songs?
• Learning a new technology?
• Being aware of what’s happening around you?
• Caring about others and accepting them for whatever are their capabilities?

Ed Hess's definition of "The New Smart” stuck in my mind:

We will spend more time training to be open-minded and learning to update our beliefs in response to new data. We will practice adjusting after our mistakes, and we will invest more in the skills traditionally associated with emotional intelligence. 

Doing so will make it easier to perceive reality as it is, rather than as we wish it to be. In short, we will embrace humility. That is how we humans will add value in a world of smart technology.

Do you know what the smartest bird is?  The turkey was Benjamin Franklin’s choice for the U.S. national bird.  Comparing the turkey to the bald eagle, he said, “though a little vain & silly, he [the turkey] is a Bird of Courage,” . 

It takes a lot of courage to maneuver one’s way through life.  I learn about having the courage to move forward with memory loss from my poet colleague;  from my granddaughter with neurological challenges, who passed away last December, a month before turning 5 years old; from young adults with huge college loans, trying to make a living that engages their motivated skills, values and interests; from my adult children who teach me to listen.

People work harder when their work (paid or unpaid) seems more meaningful (Sisyphusian condition).  Maybe that’s what keeps us going.  We can learn from each other, no matter what age, stage, or range of ability.

Ed Hess says, “The new smart will be determined not by what or how you know, but by the quality of your thinking, listening, relating, collaborating, and learning,”

Resources

Hess, E. "The AI Age of Being Smart Will Mean Something Completely Different." Retrieved 8/25/17: https://hbr.org/2017/06/in-the-ai-age-being-smart-will-mean-something-completely-different. 

Gelardin, S. "Who Is the Smartest Bird?" Retrieved 8/25/17: http://www.agesong.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/AgeSong-WoodPark-Nov-Dec-2016-Newsletter.pdf

"Let's Take the Oldsters"

Marin has the highest percentage of individuals over 65 in California and one of the highest percentages in the country. If you are lucky enough to have an oldster to care for, what do you do all day?  My friend Faith has been so helpful in letting me know that it is okay to slow down.  She's 15 years older than me, and much wiser.  I drive us to a different cafe to lunch once a month. We are exploring the county's bounty of culinary delights. As a result, at least once a month I know I can slow down.

"Let's Take the Babies" 35 Years Later

When our children were babies and toddlers, my friend Gabrielle and I started a parents and pre-schoolers' trips program at the Cambridge, Massachusetts YMCA. We led trips to the Swan Boats, Children's Museum, all around Boston, even to a Japanese Tea Ceremony on Newbury Street.

Gabrielle has passed, advising me from above.  Our children are now in their 30s, several with children of their own. But the love of exploring new places is still strong.  Fortunately our grandson Sage, a lively 3-year old,  loves exploring new kid-friendly places as much as Bob and I do, especially if they involve building, creating art, and outdoor spaces.  

For the past two weeks, we covered for his child care provider, traveling to a new destination every morning, all in Marin County. The Discovery Museum, the Marine Mammal Hospital, the Farmer's Market, and three playgrounds kept us busy.

It's summer, so there were lots of visitors from around the world. I was especially impressed by the number of grandparents and grandchildren.  Busy working parents (if they can afford it)  usually send their pre-schoolers to babysitters, day care, and pre-school.  

But the joy of linking young children in excursions with their grandparents and other grandparent-like folks,  is boundless. Bob and I would not have gone to these destinations without the company of a youngster. We met-up with other grandparents, an uncle, and aunt, and other child care providers.  

The experience was such fun that I'm thinking about starting a "Youngsters and Oldsters" Trips Program.  Interested?  Contact sgelardin@gmail.com or view my FaceBook page.

Reflections on Richard Bolles' Memorial

He was physically big and everything he did was big.   Richard Bolles was a larger-than-life creative career professional, with over 10 million books sold. His June 17, 2017 memorial in Grace Cathedral was appropriate. Plus he had been a minister there.

Sitting in the magnificent cathedral, along with other career professionals, mostly from the San Francisco Bay area, but also from around the country and throughout the world, I listened carefully to the testimonials of family and friends.  Marci read a beautiful love poem that Dick wrote to her. Then his sons and other relatives, friends, and clerical colleagues, talked about him.

Dick was well-loved by his children, but distant.  He was always working, creatively.  It was impossible to live up to his expectations, or even know what he expected of them.  Gary recalled that when he asked his father what he expected of him, Dick replied, "More."  To me, that meant to live up to your full potential, to be passionate about life and work and to make the world a better place by sharing your passion with others who need what you have to offer.

My husband Bob said, "I don't care about being as famous as Dick Bolles."  Bob's world is smaller, a smaller group of friends, but deep, meaningful friendships.  Bob has one wife, me.  Dick had three wives, each special in a different way.  Marci, the most recent, was the love of his life.

Christian Bolles, Dick's grandson, gave the last and most moving tribute to his grandfather.  He recalled the joyful holidays, when the family got together, Dick's playful smile and humorous comments.

Christian's presentation was powerful. He reminded me of Dick. Did that make him better than any other the other children or grandchildren? No, just bigger than life, like his grandfather, Richard Bolles.

Now Is the Time for the Senior Living Industry To Get Better!

Following is my response to Senior Housing Forum 6/7/17 post, “The Senior Living Industry Is A Disaster And Will Never Get Better."  Steve Moran, publisher,  brought up several commonly held views of senior living that are addressed in this article. CLIKC HERE to view my response.

• Owners and operators are greedy.
• Companies don't really care about residents, or family members.
• Nobody is willing to change.
• The industry is too expensive.

Owners and operators are greedy. Companies don't really care about residents, or family members.

Owners and operators are like everyone else.  They care about residents and family members. Some just don’t know how to demonstrate their care, and at the same time, remain solvent and build their public and/or private business.

“Care” is based on the same roots as “career” – “carros,” or “karros,” a word in many languages that mean “wagon” or “wagonload.” Owners and operators are carrying a heavy weight in a cart that bounces along a rocky road, not knowing exactly where they are going.

The senior living industry a tough industry, in which people who live in the communities are physically declining and dying. Many owners and operators work in the industry for personal reasons, such as having cared for a parent or close friend or having experienced working in various positions with residents in an assisted living or nursing community. As a result, they want to improve the quality of care for community members.

According to Nader Shabahangi, founder and CEO ofAgeSong’s elder communities for over 20 years:

At one point, the senior living industry only saw its role as one that assisted elders with basic living needs, not to help them live in meaningful communities that provide continued integration of elders in and with society. The former approach often led to the valid criticism of senior care providers ‘warehousing’ elders.  This warehousing criticism was based on an overall simplistic approach to eldercare which led to large profit margins in the industry. Now developers and operators have a difficult time to let go of such margins. But in order to provide more sophisticated and intelligent care, more professionals in social work, psychology and other human services need to be employed, all people who cost more.*

 Nobody is willing to change.

Like most of us,  many senior living owners and operators don’t know how to change. The senior living industry, like other industries in the 21st Century, is in constant flux, because so much new information is coming in every day. In order for decisions to be made, information needs to be absorbed, digested, and shared. Owners and operators need to be ready to try different solutions and be open to changing a decision if a better solution comes along.

We all, including owners and operators, need to change the way we view terminology, such as “care” and “caregiving.” If we change the meaning of “caregiving” to “care partnering,” where owners, operators, family members, staff, and residents learn from each other, instead of of “caring for” residents, then we have a whole new approach to the senior living industry.

If we change the term “residents” to “community members,” then we equalize the playing field.  Community members are like everyone else, including owners and operators.  They happen to have one or more disability that requires assistance.  Who doesn’t have one or more disability that requires assistance? How many owners and operators know how to operate the technology used in their communities? How many owners and operators make all their own meals? We all need care and we all have varying abilities!

When we see something we like or dislike about another person, we have that quality in ourselves. We see community members who are depressed, afraid of declining and eventually dying.  Are we afraid of getting older? losing some of our memory and/or physical ability? Dying? The more we communicate meaningfully with community members, the more we learn about ourselves. All levels of employees need to be engaging with community and family members throughout each day.

Committed assisted living community staff and management often experience burnout, working long hours for low pay compared to other industries. According to Nader, “The carepartners, who belong to the lowest paid people in the United States – yet are asked with helping our elders (one time that will be you) in most intimate and relational ways – are tired of working two and sometimes three jobs to make ends meet.”

What if management, staff members and volunteers identify what they love to do and then explore how they can use their passions to fill a need in society, as advocated by Richard Bolles, whose career book, What Color is Your Parachute?, has sold 10 million copies all over the world?

What if they first experience a self-assessment of their motivated skills through a Knowdell card sort,  (physically arranged the cards, rather than taking a paper and pencil assessment), and then apply their motivated skills to meet the perceived needs and preferences of community members in a way they could provide quality services for community and family members? For example, if a staff member or volunteer likes to write, she could interview community members and transcribe interviews for Pen Pal letters to elders in other assisted living communities.  If an executive director has language teaching skills, he could conduct a staff English speaking session once a week.

What if we changed the way we view elders?

Nader says:

The profit margins of yesterday belong to an outdated concept of who are our elders: not useless members of society but rather highly mature, experienced as well as knowledgable people whose wisdom must be used to steer this planet and people in more sensible directions, whose experience can maintain certain ethical and rational standards of sustainability for both civil conduct and care of our planet.*

For many years, at AgeSong’s elder communities, members of the community, at any age, stage or ability, have been invited to join “Elders Academy,” and to participate in groups together. The groups are often led by community members.  Individuals, who happen to have Parkinson’s, memory loss, aphasia, and other physical, emotional, or mental challenges, speak up, dance, sing, play music, have political, psychological, and philosophical discussions, and support each other. They are “meaningfully engaged,” rather that just “entertained” by professional entertainers.

Instead of dressing up the community for visits by current or prospective family members and state licensing representatives, management and staff members invite visitors to participate in the community. At AgeSong’s WoodPark community in Oakland, the daughter of a community member brought in a sewing box to engage her mother, who is deep into memory loss, with recollections about sewing, a hobby that her mother enjoyed in the past. The mother-daughter pair is joined by others who have interest in sewing. A family member led a men’s group. Family members play the piano and sing with community members. They hold birthday parties for their loved ones and invite members of the community to participate. Members of the community entertain their fellow elders playing the piano and singing familiar tunes. All management staff lead groups and walk the floors several times a day to engage with room-bound folk, as well as others who are roaming around the community or sitting in isolation in a public room. A “Family Connect” email is sent out weekly.  Quarterly “Champagne Brunches” are held for families and friends with their loved ones. Volunteers and entertainers return frequently because they are having such a good time with community members.

In addition to the basic required assisted living skills, line staff and management staff, along with community members, family and friends, volunteers, and visitors, are trained to apply concepts collectively developed by AgeSong management staff, such as the following:

• Providing Meaningful Engagement with Individuals of a wide range of Ages, Stages, Forgetfulness, & Abilities

• Finding Meaning in “Challenging Behaviors"

• Seeking to Understand, rather than Control

• Recognizing Mental and Physical Interconnectedness

• Celebrating a Variety of Spiritual Beliefs

• “Getting to Know” New Community Members

• "Learning From," as well as "Providing Care For," Elders

• Celebrating the Cultural Heritage of Community Members, Staff, and Visitors

 The industry is too expensive.

Why not design services and products that cut down industry costs and yet enhance quality of life? The time spent by care partners in providing basic living skills could be changed to “quality time.” Brushing hair could be a “beauty parlor” activity.  Showering could be a “spa” event.  Dressing could be the “Queen’s Dressing Table.”

Changing adult briefs every two hours takes much too much staff time, energy, and financial resources.  How about changing how we view this unpleasant task to “Groom of the Stool?”  Ben Franklin invented the flexible catheter for his brother in 1752. How about using urinary or other type of catheters?

Summary

Most of today’s senior living community owners and operators are not greedy. They passionately care about the folks who live in their elder communities (https://www.argentum.org/magazine-articles/making-senior-living-career-lifetime/) and are willing to change. Like most of us,  many owners and operators just don’t know how to change, and at the same time stay within budget and make a profit. We all need to expand our vision of who elders are and how to both fill the needs of others and work with passion.

Nader says:

Elders are a resource, not a liability. Aging allows us to mature, not to decline. This shift in attitude towards our elders and anyone being older than what is considered young (and has that not moved to a younger and younger age with teenagers now being used in marketing and on billboards everywhere?!) – this shift, indeed, is the challenge ahead of us? Senior care providers can either help or obstruct the much needed attitudinal change towards valuing our more mature members of society.*

Companies really care about members of their community, staff, and family members. The industry is too expensive for most folk. There is a need to create products and services that keep costs down and keep improving quality.

NOW is the time for the Senior Living Industry to get better!

 Bio

Dr. Sally Gelardin is an Elder Community Consultant.  As former Regional Director of Engagement and Education for AgeSong’s elder communities throughout the San Francisco Bay area, Career Planning and Adult Development Career Coach, and Career and Life Transitions Educator, she writes articles for industry and public media and designs training programs for paid and family “care partners” (alternative way of viewing “caregivers”), volunteers,  and community members on how to serve elders and how to be an elder. For more information, contact sgelardin@gmail.com and view sallygelardin.com.

References

Adler, J. Making Senior Living the Career of a Lifetime. Retrieved June 9, 2017: https://www.argentum.org/magazine-articles/making-senior-living-career-lifetime/

Bolles, R. Why Pursuing Your Dream is Still Important. Retrieved June 9, 2017: http://www.jobhuntersbible.com/articles/view/why-pursuing-your-dream-is-still-important?

Career Planner.  How To Use the Knowdell Motivated Skills Card Sort. Retrieved June 9, 2017: https://www.careerplanner.com/Video/Knowdell-Motivated-Skills-Video.cfm

Fuller, J. Top 10 Ben Franklin Inventions: Urinary Catheter. Retrieved June 9, 2017: http://science.howstuffworks.com/innovation/famous-inventors/10-ben-franklin-inventions1.htm

Moran, S. The Senior Living Industry Is A Disaster And Will Never Get Better. June 7, 2017. Retrieved June 9, 2017: https://www.seniorhousingforum.net/blog/2017/6/7/senior-living-industry-disaster-and-will-never-get-better?pmc=MC&MyID=sal%40gelardin.net.

*Shabahangi, N.  Reflections on Eldercare Today and In the Future. Retrieved June, 7, 2017.   http://agesong.com/today/18204/reflections-eldercare-today-future.

Zarralli, N. It Was Once Someone's Job to Chat with the King While He Used the Toilet. April 6, 2017.  Retrieved June 9, 2017: http://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/king-toilet-attendant-england

A Tribute To Dick Bolles: "Don't Be Realistic"

Dick Bolles died March 31, 2017, at the age of 90.  He was an inspiration to me and to millions of others who have experienced career changes (that includes almost everyone these days).  

The most famous career professional of all time, he started out as a minister and was downsized from his position at Glide Memorial in San Francisco because of budget shortages. He was sent from state to state, campus to campus to help out college ministers who were also being terminated, due to budget crunches.

Dick moved from the ministry into the career field. (It was a wry joke, a commentary on the workers of that day and age who would say, "Well, I've had it. I'm going to bail out." Dick's playful response was, "Okay, what color is your parachute? http://www.jobhuntersbible.com/about/category/about-bio), which turned into What Color Is Your Parachute, the best-selling career book ever, (over 10m copies sold worldwide).

Whenever someone asked Dick to serve, he would agree if, by serving, he would fill a need in society about something connected to his heart. Of course, the request would need to utilize his broad-based skills and experience.  If he did not yet have the knowledge and skills, he would stretch until he gained them. Upon my request, Dick, already into his 80s,  was keynote speaker at AgeSong's Poetics of Aging Conference in 2011.  A few years previously, he also agreed to present at a Professional BusinessWomen of California Conference.  For many years, Dick was keynote speaker at the annual International Career Development Conference. I always learned something new from Dick, no matter how many times he spoke.

Here's some wise advice from Dick Bolles:  

When it comes to thinking about your next career step,  "Don't be realistic."

Instead, you need to really let your imagination fly. You need to build a picture of the kinds of things that could draw and keep your attention, and that will only happen if you can let your dreams soar. 

It's interesting that these quotes come from his new "Flower Course" and that my new website was created by Jacob Palmer, with time-lapse photograph flower images, representing continual evolvement and change. 

Dick's brother Don, an investigative reporter, was murdered in a car when he was 48 years old.  My granddaughter died a few months ago, not yet five years old.  Those of us who have experienced tragic loss are especially inspired by Dick Bolles, the forever optimist, who worked hard, had fun in his work, as well as in his personal life, and loved passionately, throughout his life.