This phrase caught my attention in a NY Times article by Janice Dunn, ‘When Someone You Love Is Upset, Ask This Question: “Do you Want To Be Helped, Heard or Hugged? “The main thing, pointed out by the author, is to find out what the other person needs.
Ask Children
What children most need is a hug, the author discovered from interviewing a school teacher. However, it’s best to ask the child what they need, not assume that they need a hug.
Ask Adults
This questions can also be asked to adults, such as a partner or relative. I come from a long line of advice givers, so I rebel any time onther person tries to advise me (unless I ask for advice); and I contstantly hold myself back (don’t always succeed) from giving advice (unless the other person asks for advice, which is rare).
INTERGENERATIONAL RESOURCES
When we don’t have the words or ability to help, hear or hug a child or adult in need, we can turn to books, films, music, dance, opera, and other media. Following are a few samples under each media:
Newspaper
“Do you Want To Be Helped, Heard or Hugged?” https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/07/well/emotions-support-relationships.html?
When you need a hug, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tModlnAn0Tc
Book & Guide
The Hugging Tree, https://youtu.be/CCZY_TIwhDU
A Guide to “The Hugging Tree: A Story About Resilience” (for teachers, but can also be used by caregivers and care partners and parents and grandparents and activity professionals), https://www.apa.org/pubs/magination/441B157-teacher-guide.pdf..
Movies
Top 25 Movies and TV Shows Examining Resilience, https://www.everydayhealth.com/wellness/resilience/movies-and-tv-shows-that-inspire-resilience/
Top 20 Movies about Resilience for Children, https://biglifejournal.com/blogs/blog/movies-about-resilience
Books
Children’s Books about Resilience, https://www.whatdowedoallday.com/childrens-books-about-resilience/ (age 4-8, age 9+)
Music
Sounds of the Planet, Classical Healing: Tom Barabas, https://soundings.com/product/classical-healing/
Songs
10 Inspirational Songs for Kids & Teens, https://musictogrowon.net/10-inspirational-songs-for-kids-teens/
Rising Apalachia, https://www.risingappalachia.com/video
Poems
Foetry Foundation, Poems of Hope and Resilience, https://www.poetryfoundation.org/collections/142028/poems-of-hope-and-resilience
Quotes
The 50 Best Resilience Quotes, by Chelsea Erie, https://home.hellodriven.com/articles/the-50-best-resilience-quotes/resili
Dance
Untapped Motivation: Dance Can Inspire the World, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvc3DD-QdhQ
Musicals/Opera
504: The Musical, https://www.504themusical.com
Tiny Desk: Kimberly Akimbo, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrJdpdMxZx4
The Merry Widow: “If a Girl’s Admiring Your” (Fleming, Gunn), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrJdpdMxZx4